Sitting in my study looking out the window, I am still thinking about “The Descendants” I wrote about yesterday. That movie was about a man, a successful lawyer and a land baron who had devoted all his time to his career, to making money only to later realize he had “lost” his family. Although his wife was now seriously ill from a boating incident, he had lost her years ago. They had ceased to talk, to spend time together, to go out and enjoy each other’s company. They had grown apart. His daughters, he had hardly seen and could hardly remember the last time he was alone with them. They too had grown. So that was Matt King who spent his life focusing on himself. Then there are opposites: those who spend their time completely devoted to other’s lives until they forget to have a life of their own.
It happens sometimes. It happens more often than I would like to acknowledge.
It happens in relationships and in families. They believe that family is number one and that nothing else is more important. They find themselves unconsciously assimilated into the other person or persons. They forget everything about themselves and focus entirely on the person or persons. They must spend their time taking care of the family, taking care of their needs and anticipating their needs. They serve each and every need in the belief that this is right. This is the “right” thing to do. This is what is “expected” of them. They devote their entire time, their entire life to others. Guilt prevails if they want to do something of their own. Guilt, self-inflicted. So the cycle continues, on and on.
Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that it is a bad thing to care of others, it is good to take care of loved ones and people around us. What is most important though is that there needs to be a balance.
There needs to be a balance between taking care of others and taking care of your own needs.
Your own needs are equally important, and your life is equally important. You have dreams, you have desires and there are things you want to do, places you want to go. Don’t push all your own needs out of sight and hide them somewhere deep inside your soul. One day you might just erupt like Mount Vesuvius.
And when your erupt, or if you just stay dormant. One day you may find yourself on your deathbed looking back on your life and thinking about all the things you could have done, all the things you wanted to do, and all the places you wanted to go. You might feel a resentment at others, why they had done the things they wanted to do and did all they wanted to do. Yet all these emotions come too late and your life has passed you by. You will just have to wait for your next life to do the things you want to do.
Find a balance in your life. Have some time of your own, have some time for others, have some time for your dreams.