It Ain’t About Inner Beauty

I was looking over some old photos today of Alex and I last year at a restaurant and was shocked at how big we were.   Even when I was “big” and knew that I was chubby, I wasn’t really aware of HOW big I was.  Now I know..I was BIG!  (I’ll post up some more pictures tomorrow when I have a computer)

It used to annoy me to no end when people commented on my weight.  Some people, I thought, were so rude to comment on my “chubbiness” in the first few minutes of our encounter.   Overtime I learnt it was a “Thai” thing. Thais were worried about our welfare in terms of food,
“have you eaten yet?” and also about appearances.  It was important to look good.  First impressions are everything.

I used to think …”people should like me for who I am, it’s inner beauty that counts not how I look outside.”  I still believe it, but I realize now that the way I thought about it before was my way of giving myself an excuse to stay big.

I told myself, “I will not become a barbie doll or those people who are so well groomed they look so “perfect” everyday.  I have my own character….and so I remained big, got bigger, and gave myself more reasons why I didn’t need to lose weight.  I was in denial.  Everyone
else was just so “superficial.”  I wasn’t really THAT big.  I was just chubby!  So I like eating, so what? I wasn’t harming anyone.  (except myself)

Health never came up.  I believed and told myself that I was “chubby,” that I hadn’t outgrown my baby fat. Now I know that wasn’t so. 🙂  Its funny to look back now and see through all the excuses I gave myself with my eyes wide open.   It’s now crystal clear that health ain’t got nothing to do with my inner beauty!

As a teacher of mine liked to say all the time, “excuses excuses are but  confessions of failure.”  It’s so true! Thank you.

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